Struggles: Marriage Part 3

Point three:  Sex! Intimacy! Sex! Intimacy! Oh my! You got it, God created it, enjoy it! I know touchy subject! Why? That is one thing that is very pleasurable! Or at least should be! So what is sex and intimacy to you? Maybe that is what will help you to understand where you stand with it in your marriage! Could it be that it was something that was taught to you as unclean, wrong, dirty, not favorable in God’s eyes. Maybe something happened to you as a child, or maybe as an adult! God knows, and God will help you with that! It takes a lot sometimes to accept but God created sex to be a love that is filled with passion for your spouse. Sex being used as a punishment or torture in any way, this is not what God designed or willed for our lives! God does not will for us to get hurt, He wants nothing more then to protect you and see you live a long prosperous life. Eph 6:3, is a great example of Gods love and also makes it very clear that God desires only the best for us. It says, that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth! This is what God desires for your life, “enjoy long life“.  I do not see how that can be translated into anything but delightful thoughts! God doesn’t want your outlook on sexual intimacy with your husband or wife to be distorted and we have to dig into the Bible to find what God desires from you for your husband or wife!

Okay, so maybe you were taught that it is wrong, dirty, unclean, or so the such! Maybe you just don’t enjoy it, you say! Well I beg to differ with you on that, something was either taught, or done to you to make your view on this subject distorted.

Lets dig into Gods word here and find where God has made it clear that He wants you to be joined together with your husband or wife. Song of Solomon is a wonderful example of Gods design for sexual intimacy in your marriage! This book of the bible is filled with songs of intimacy that states it is honoring for your marriage! And if not you have opened the door to Satan to get his foot on your relationship! I don’t know about you, but I would rather be making noise in my bedroom then allowing Satan to even have a glimpse in my marriage!

In the book, Song of Solomon, it starts out that Solomon went to the Northern Part of his kingdom to visit a town called Shunem. There he found a lady in the vineyards working because that is where her brothers put her to protect her.   Well Solomon found her to be quite beautiful as he describes her dark skin, cheeks, neck and compares them to the horses in Pharaoh’s Chariots, and took her to Jerusalem, hoping to make her his queen of queens.

But the Shulamite girl wasn’t interested in Solomon. You see she was espoused or promised to a shepherd of her own people. She proved to her family and to this shepherd that she was faithful to his love. She was finally reunited to the shepherd and her family, as can be seen from the books texts. She was looked upon with favor because she had kept her virtue and saved herself for her shepherd.

There are many scriptures here in this book that describe what making love is all about, and a lot of you will probably have to take it and study it for yourself, but many scriptures talk about sex not only being as intercourse, but also as in enjoying each others presence as in cuddling and foreplay. Making love is exactly how it sounds. When you are making something as in cooking or baking, what do you do, you go and buy the ingredients and make sure that they are fresh. So then you start preparing for that meal by putting ingredients together, and when they are all mixed together you taste it to make sure it is pleasant, and then you finish it up and serve it. Okay so take that all back around and look at it as preparing for your spouse, you like to be presentable so you go and buy perfumes or colognes and body washes and nice sexy gowns or makeup you start preparing yourself for your spouse. Now you also might refresh by encouraging words, unexpected gifts, a surprise phone call or note and it arouses you to love your partner. Now most generally you don’t prepare and then get the job done, no you take time to enjoy them. You might prepare a romantic meal for them or cuddle and kiss each other, put a show on for them and then that is where you are starting to mix the ingredients together. Okay so now this is a controversial step so I will start this out by sharing scripture, Song of Songs or Song of Solomon 2:3, “Like an apple tree among the trees of the forest, so is my beloved among the young men.  In his shade I took great delight and sat down,
and his fruit was sweet to my taste”, 4:16, “Awake, north wind! Blow on my garden and spread its fragrance all around. Come into your garden, my love; taste its finest fruits.”  This is specifically talking about orally pleasing your spouse. Now I am not saying this is a step that you have to do, but if both agree it can be used to excite the foreplay. Oral sex is something that can also help excite your intimacy time with your spouse.  The other point I am making with this is it is not a sin, it is something that is in God’s word as a means of enjoying your spouse. And from there your body is now served to your spouse! You have prepared a delightful dish, “YOU”! If you have never tried any of these then I would highly suggest experimenting and learning what makes your spouse open up completely and wholly unto you! Making love is to be enjoyed not become a ritual, so be adventurous with it, but also be careful, because God didn’t only want you to enjoy sexual intimacy with your spouse, but to protect it from any outside sin!

Now there are times when we decide to go without making love, I strongly urge you to be careful with this, as it states in 1 Corinthians 7:2-5, “But because there is so much sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman should have her own husband. The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs. The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over to his wife. Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”

There are things that God does not allow, I will list them here: “Fornication, Adultery, Homosexuality, Impurity, Orgies, Prostitution, Lustful passion, Sodomy, Obscenity & course jokes, Incest. Each one of these basically all come together in some form or another, You are not to have sex or think sexually about anyone that is family which includes but not limited to step parents, parents, siblings, relatives of any form, anyone who you are not married too, co workers, friends, or friends of friends, strangers. Sex with the same sex is not acceptable it is very clear that it is detestable to God, Lev. 18:22, Rom. 1:27, and 1 Cor. 6:9 . Sex with animals in Ex 22:19, states that it is punishable by death. We are not to cross dress Deut. 22:5, that states that is detestable in the sight of God. The list can go on, so we are to look to God for direction, and study God’s word, and let the Holy Spirit guide us. Sex within marriage and only with your spouse is a sweet aroma to God, and sex in any other form is detestable in God’s eyes!

If you have any questions or doubt please don’t be ashamed I will do my best to help you here. If you would also like here are a couple good websites that I found that could be useful for you also and might provide a way of helping you understand it better. ,


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